Going Greek.

Kendall has been at UTM since the 16th of August.  For quite some time we have been discussing if she would participate in recruitment week or not.  I have tried not to influence her decision but just tell her that this is her college experience and she has to make that decision for herself. 

Monday night was the informational meeting for ladies that were interested in participating in recruitment. I was not sure if she would attend or not because the last she had said was probably not. So I was pretty surprised when she called my Monday night and said that she went and she was so excited about going through the recruitment process. 

I am very excited for her.  It is bittersweet for me though. UTM does not have a chapter of AST.  I know this may sound silly but this was something I always wanted to share with her.  I wanted her to maybe go to Belmont or Cumberland and be a part of the AST chapter at that school. I would then be able to be at her initiation and different things. I wont be able to do that now.  It makes me sad that I will not be able to share this with her and at this point I won't be able to share it with any of my nieces.

I have looked up the organizations that they have at UTM and done some research on each one and I have my opinion on what I would like her to choose and them to obviously choose her too! However, like I said this is her college experience and I want her to have as much fun as I did!! 

I had AMAZING sorority sisters! I can only hope that whatever sorority she ends up in she has as  great of a group of ladies as I did at CU in AST!!!   I had a blast and miss those ladies so much!

Ways that today was great!

Ok, so today was a pretty awesome day.  Here is the list of reasons why!


1. Crazy funny ride with mama and Robert on the way to see Kendall at UTM. Including such classic comments as:


"I would have figured him as a fig newton kind of man."

"Here is a piece of trivia for you. Who sings a classic country song about Carrol county"

"What do the directions say? Oh well we can skip that part of the directions now whats next?" *because that is totally the way to get to places*

2. My mother is a human GPS.

3. Even at my age as I walk into the dorms I get asked if I need to check in.

4. Even at my age as I go with Kendall to sign in for FRESHMAN orientation I get asked my major and last name so that I too can be signed in for FRESHMAN orientation.

5. Robert doesnt know what a lanyard is.

6. Robert doesnt know how to say lanyard.

7. Fake graduations, stupid questions, moving gym seats.

8. Spending time with Kendall!!!!

9. Mama and Robert are so funny. 

10. $7 all you can chinese buffet and it is AWESOME!

11. Kendalls dorm bathroom is awkard.

12. Once again mama is a HUMAN GPS!!

13. Kelli Pickler retweeted me!

14. Kendall really likes her roommate!

15. CCCHS beyond beat Sycamore.

16. Mama and I bicker for 6 hours and it is hilarious!!!

Overall, today was a pretty awesome day!!

UTM are you ready?

The University of Tennessee at Martin will be getting 2 new students that are dear to me tomorrow.  In just a few short hours we will be headed to move Kendall into her dorm room. 

I am very excited for her as she gears up for this new journey in her life. I will miss her more than words can express.  I can not wait to see all the things she accomplishes during this new journey. I wish I could describe all the things she is to me and how much she means to me.  I took her for granted a lot when I was in high school and college and I regret it.  I cant remember a time in my life when she was not there.  This is a new journey for us all. 

I am thankful that she will have her friend Alex there with her. I know that they will look out for each other and take care of each other. 

I hope that UTM is ready because these 2 kids are AWESOME FUN and CRAZY!   I do know that the faculty is probably not ready for Alex!

What I would have done.

I wish I knew what I could have done differently to keep Allisyn from hating me.  She left 15 months ago and I try not to dwell on it. Not a single day goes by that I don't think about her. Sometimes I am so angry I can not see straight. Sometimes it hurts in a crazy way. Sometimes I just miss her.  I miss our goofy conversations and fixing her hair and makeup.  I was so blindsided by this. She said such horrible things about me. But I felt that we were so close.  She slept in my room up until the last week she was here!  She spent all of her time with me. We talked about everything.  There is not a single thing I wouldn't have done for her.

I know most people don't understand how this can be such a big deal to me. After all I have been reminded more times that I can count that none of my nieces or nephews are my kids.  As if I didn't know that.  I may not have given birth to Allisyn and Conner but I surely couldn't love them anymore than I do. I have spent more time with them in the previous years of their lives than their parents did. 

I feel in so many ways that my heart was ripped out of me. I am sure one day it will not affect me like it does right now. I see that it is better than it was this time last year.

I don't begrudge her wanting to live with her mom. I never wanted to keep her from her mom. I encouraged that relationship. I tried to include her mom in any way that I could. I just wish she had tried to talk to me and tell me what she feeling and that she wanted to go live with her mom.

It feels like I will never see or speak to her again.  I am sure that is not the case. I just do not know what I would say to her if I did talk to her. I am not sure how I would react if I did see her.

Change is coming. Are you ready?

This is my first blog post.  I am not sure if  anyone will read it.  I am not sure if anyone cares. I am not even sure what I am going to "blog" about.




It is Sunday night. Well I guess it is technically Monday morning. Kendall leaves for college at UTM on Thursday.


My Granny Liz is dying. She thinks it will be sooner rather than later. She is basically not eating or drinking and cant keep anything down.

My sister moved to Louisianna yesterday.

There are to many changes at once.  I am not sure where to go from here.  Kendall has been such a HUGE part of my life  for her entire life.  Though her high school years we were really close and spent a lot of time together.  I know that I will be ok and she will be ok and we will ALL be ok it is just going to take some getting used to. 
I can not put into words how proud I am of this kid.  She is not a kid anymore.  She has grown into a beautiful, smart, talented, funny, sarcastic, sometimes mean, sometimes sensitive and  always amazing young woman. It has been such an amazing thing to watch her blossom into the person she is today.  There have been ups and downs.  Amazingly wonderful periods and some really low points.  She has strength like no one else. You throw things at her and she manages. 
To say I will miss her is an understatement.  To say I am excited for her is also an understatement.

My Granny Liz is not my grandmother technically speaking.  She is my great aunt.  In my heart she is no less grandmother to me than either of my actual grandmothers. The thought of losing her breaks my heart. Watching my mother go through the pain of  this breaks it even more.  I hope that we can have her till Christmas.  I would love to have one more Thanksgiving and Christmas with her.   I guess that might sound selfish.